02FD1: Three Days Later

So it was my father's death anniversary last Saturday. As has been the case for many years, I spent the day going about our normal geeky things while occasionally staring at the calendar reminder on my phone. Sometimes I wonder why I keep the recurring item active. I just stare at it and wonder if this is the year that I'll do something more to mark the day. Every now and then, I try writing a blog post about him on the anniversary day itself. This year, I consciously avoided doing so - at least until now. No good reasons for either course of action, so here we are.

That's the challenge of having unfinished business with a loved one when they pass - you never get to resolve things. And so here I am feeling somewhat guilty that I never kept track of where he's buried, but at the same time arguing that it doesn't make a huge difference whether I visit or not. I feel extra guilty since we live pretty near the cemetery where his remains are, so it's really through willful spite that I stay away. He has been dead longer than he was absent from my life, so it's easy to argue that I should live and let live - or in this case let sleeping (or dead) dogs lie. But I feel a whole spectrum of things, even just staring at the calendar reminder of his death, and that just tells me that maybe I don't need to visit his grave any time soon.

So yeah, lingering issues. Forgive me, universe.

In other news, I've risked dipping my toes in the alumni homecoming efforts - at least online. I've been the main admin for our Facebook group almost as soon as Facebook made the feature available, but that's mostly been digital babysitting. It's our 25th year since graduation, and there's renewed interest in reconnecting and figuring stuff out for the end of the year, so I figured I'd at least try to help make the group more active and help people get the word out about any activities they put together. There's also a WhatsApp group that they've set up, and I've also volunteered to help moderate that, and that's all for now. 

At least this is what I keep telling myself. I tried to be a lot more active in alumni stuff in the immediate years after high school, and I got as far as like the 10-year mark before I started to drop off, since it was a lot of work with very limited returns. Maybe it'll be different this time around.