I still maintain a Google Calendar reminder that today is my father's birthday. I don't even need the reminder - it's just one of those dates that stick. But the forms must be obeyed (geek speak, sorry) and so it's still there, recurring forever. He died almost 17 years ago and I'm still keeping a reminder that it's his birthday. And in a weird bit of tangential irony, the shirt that was next in queue for me to wear today (because yes, I cycle my shirts) is the shirt that Tobie's family had made in line with the Christmas family outing the other year. So I have Tobie's dad on my shirt on the day I end up thinking about my own biological father.
Within the family, we repeatedly talk about how it never quite feels like he's dead and more that he's just away. He wasn't very active in my life in the years immediately before he died, the years of not hearing from him were already par for the course. But the date comes along every year and I can't help but think about things a bit and I get a little maudlin. It's never even bittersweet - it's just sad that things ended the way they did. And I don't even mean about his death - our relationship as father and son ended many years before that. His passing just added a somber finality to things and closed the door to us ever changing things between us.
Again, weird.
At least this has been a good weekend even if a tiring one. Game night last night was fun and we played a good mix of games including P.I., Paper Dungeons, Mori, and Discover: Lands Unknown. And today we had an online RPG session for our ongoing Horror on the Orient Express campaign. I got some laundry done and now we're watching Waitress: The Musical before bed. So that's a pretty good weekend.
But yeah, just wanted to write about my father just to get it out of my system. Or not.
Hugs
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