In the same year that Tobie and I got together, a dear friend died. I'm glad that he at least got to meet Tobie and we even got to go to O Bar Malate together after at least a year of invites. Clearly, he passed too soon especially given his age, but that's just how things went. I try not to overly dwell on how sad it is that he's no longer with us, but sometimes it can't be helped. He'd probably berate me for that sort of thinking even if he'd be just as susceptible to the same mistakes. We had a lot on common in the overthinking department.
Tobie and I just celebrated our 15th year together last month, but it also means he's been gone just as long. That's kinda crazy - he's been gone longer than I've actually known him! He's been absent from our lives longer than he was in our lives. My brain refuses to fully process that even as I type it out.
We were close but there was so much we didn't know about each other as well. We had a lot of fun together, but there's so much that we never got to do either. We talked a lot, but there's probably even more that has been left unsaid.
But I still feel him with me at seemingly random points in time. I can always imagine him commenting on how hot (or not random guys on my social feed are as I scroll through my socials. I feel him with me when I dance at O because he was always my dancing buddy even if we'd just make fools of ourselves because we didn't care what people thought about us. I hear in the quiet times - he's just there, being willing to listen or maybe waiting for the right moment to speak up about whatever is on his mind.
We could always tell each other anything... provided we were actually talking. He still kept a lot of cards close to his chest, even until the very end. Every year around this time, I wish we had had more time.
I miss you, Jase. It may not hurt as much, but I still miss you all the same. I try to focus on celebrating your birthday on a few days, but this is one of those years that had me thinking about you on the day you died.
Sorry about that. I'll do better next year. Maybe.
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