This morning my ex asked me how it felt like to be 41, to which I replied that it feels the same as being 40. What else is there to say only a week after my birthday, right? Truthfully, it feels both the same as any other year but it also feels slightly different. I'm still very much 100% me, as cultivated and encouraged by Tobie. But I'm also an iteration of myself that continues to feel more aches and pains here and there.
The biggest shift I've started to experience over the years involves the ups and downs of my health with my workouts as a measure. I got all excited right before the pandemic about how much stronger I was feeling with my regular workouts and other physical activity. And despite doing my best to stay active over the years, I also feel myself hitting my limit sooner than I'd expected - it's as if the goalposts were moving. Before I was pretty confident about following just about any workout routine in the Nike Training Club library, but these days I've been sticking to lighter routines to avoid over-exerting.
Just last week, I nearly pulled something while doing some routine stretching exercises that I had done so many times before over the last few years. I can't necessarily it was totally easy before - I've been overweight for a while and all workouts present a unique struggle. But it does surprise me how differently my body responds to the rigor of exercise. In that sense, I guess I do feel older even if I can't quite pinpoint when exactly things started to feel different.
So maybe I'm a little older, but I'm still doing my best to deny that reality and push my body to be a little better than before. I still think I look relatively better now than I have in years. But I also still feel uncomfortable with my physical appearance and wish things were different. I'm sure everyone feels that way to some degree, so it's only natural. But yeah, it's not great and it could be a lot better. I'm doing something but I also recognize that I'm probably not yet doing enough. But I'm also worried if my body can actually handle any more.
Life is fun.
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