02197: A Not-So-Great Day

This hasn't been a great day for Yoshi.

It was even more of a struggle to get him to eat today. I've cycled through all the usual protein sources and now I'm considering options outside meat like maybe sweet potatoes or controlled amounts of cottage cheese. He was only open to eating his vegetable/fruit flavored snack sticks and some fresh banana. I tried mixing some of the banana with the meat in his bowl, but that didn't  quite do the trick. He eventually separated the meat from the bananas and just ate the bananas.

Highlights of the day include the fact that he did not throw up -a first since maybe like Thursday, so that's good. He still walks around and is able to go to his pee pad to do his business, so at least he still has bladder control. He cooperates with me in term of taking his meds and he still comes when I call him, albeit rather slowly.

But there are a lot of things that are rather depressing to see, chief among them his lack of appetite. There's the big fact that he can no longer walk as much as he used to, so we've stopped walking him outdoors for now. He no longer races ahead of us when we let him out of his carrier upon arriving home so he can enter the house first - but instead we wait for him to make the walk from the elevator to the front door so he's still he first one to enter the Sietch. He sleeps a lot more and is constantly licking his lips, which is a sign of him dealing with anemia-driven nausea. He's repeatedly licking walls, floors and other surfaces like he's looking for some flavor that he's not finding in his food or maybe it's just a way to induce vomiting. His breath smells really bad now, and this is also another known symptom as dogs with his condition reach the end. I feel really bad for him.

It's sad that my blog has become an odd effort to document this sad period of Yoshi's life and this is hardly how I'd ever want to remember him should the worst finally come. But maybe all this is just a way for me to remain a little objective or find a way to cope with the very real possibility that we may lose him sooner than we'd like. Intellectually I know this is a very big possibility and that side of my keeps me functional throughout the work day. But the rest of me feels like its in denial - or at least I'm torn between being hopeful but being realistic.

He's just gotten up and is staring at me now. His eyes remain quite focused and alert every since we got started on the Wu Ling San powder, so maybe all my fears are for nothing. But I know we need to get him to eat and we have to find a way to keep us his strength and help him fight for as long as he is willing and able.

We just love Yoshi so much and we want what is best for him. It's just tricky given it's very much possible that it may not be what feels best for us. And knowing that possibility doesn't make things any easier.