02149: Friendship Balance

So last night was the big Liberation Party over at O Bar and as always we had a pretty good time. The O Divas put on a tremendous show and there was a lot of craziness that went on. We saw a lot of friends and were surprised to bump into some older ones. And there were also many faces sadly absent from the event. But such is life.

I've never been particularly good with friends. It seems the ones I've ever reached a point of being most dear have either disappeared from my life or have literally died. I try to say this in a manner that seems cold and callous, but I know that's to just skip over the emotional backwash that one is bound to feel when reflecting upon such things. It has happened and it is all over and there is nothing more that can be done for such people. These are the facts.

Tobie is my rock now - my central anchor in life. He's my life partner and the one friend that I will never be without - or the one I hope I won't ever be without. I don't really make plans without Tobie and I've lost the patience to try to make plans with most other people. Maybe I just hold people to impossibly high standards so in the end it feels like they're all disappointments that I'm better off without. People can be so tiring when you really think about it.

I used to feel bad about feeling like I didn't have time for friends, but now I find realistically we all don't have much time, period. It goes both ways and it's not longer a sad thing it's just a reality. So when people you thought to be friends go places without you or you find them declining your invites for a special event, well, then you just come to accept that that's the way things are. No hard feelings either way. Life is what you make of it and we all don't have time to waste on such trivialities of petty emotions.

I wish more people showed up at O Bar last night, but everyone had their own things to do and that's okay. I'm sure some friends wondered why Tobie and I didn't show up at this place or that event last night and so it all balances out.

Or does it?