01672: The Crush Conundrum

I like the word "conundrum" more than I like most actors these days. In recent months (or perhaps within the past year or so even), I seem to have drifted away from having "crushes" based on physical attributes alone. Sure, I can totally recognize when a guy's body may be considered "hot" because of how much he works out and the level muscle definition that he's achieved. But that doesn't exactly generate any feelings of interest or desire in me as one would associate with such individuals.

Case in point, I used to have a major thing for actors like Ryan Reynolds. He's totally ripped (post-Amityville Horror) and he has a penchant for comedy. I first noticed him when he was part of 2 Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place and I had a bit of a crush on him since then. But these days he's just another overly buff Hollywood actor. And as much as Hollywood will always have a lot of good-looking guys, I can't say that I'd be interested in any of them, even from a fantasy perspective.

I think a lot of it has to do with how much I've come to realize that my attraction to others is based on general compatibility - something that you will never determine by watching a movie. Thus if I were to feel attracted to someone, it would more likely be due to the fact that I know we share similar interests and can enjoy an afternoon talking about one geeky topic or another.

I know, I know, it sounds crazy. I'm a gay man, therefore I'm supposed to go ga-ga over any hot guy that walks by. As much as that's a horrible stereotype, you have to admit that it's a stereotype that a lot of gay men enjoy embracing for one reason or another. But I just don't feel that way when I see people in public. I don't feel the urge to strike up a conversation with a cute stranger nor do I create elaborate fantasies involving big name movie stars. And I know that I don't since a larger part of my brain is afraid of being disappointed the moment that they open their mouth or something.

Yes, that's not what crushes are for - that's what relationships are for. And maybe that's precisely the nature of my "problem" but at the same time is a blessing as well. I don't feel attraction to anyone other than Tobie since I'm sure that Tobie is the only one who just gets me and understands why our living room is littered with Transformers left and right. In fact, he's the one leading the charge to get us more shelves to help me display even more of my Transformers.

Single Rocky 2012
I think I came to this realization shortly after Tobie and I had gotten back together. That brief period of being single was an interesting experience but one that was also rather aggravating and perhaps even somewhat traumatizing at times. Being out in the dating pool let me meet a lot of guys, many of which were okay enough for the most part but didn't exactly inspire me to just go wild or something. When I read about other people's exploits in the dating world and how easy it is for them to hook up with strangers, I still don't see myself as being capable of doing anything remotely like that.

And that realization has snowballed in my mind to the point that I just don't see myself wanting to rave at length about a guy that I find attractive anytime soon. If you tried asking me one of those classic questions like, "Which actor would you want to sleep with?" I think my best possible answer would start with "It depends on how he defines "Transformers". Probably not great hook-up material right there.

But I feel no regrets. If anything I find the whole thing a little hilarious. Life is just funny in so many ways, and it tries to make sure that things happen in a manner that helps you realize what's truly important in life. And being all air-headed about the next guy with a six pack is definitely not something I plan on devoting time to any time soon.
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