01448: Momentary Indecision

Sometimes despite our best efforts, we feel like we're totally clueless as what to do next. We know what we're capable of and for the most part we have an idea of what we want out of life. And yet it seems almost impossible to figure out how one may lead to another in a manner that makes sense.

For the most part I pride myself in my ability to figure out that connection between A (the present) and B (the goal), especially from a work context. Something just clicks in my head and I start to map out the various incremental steps, define them as separate tasks and develop a road map forward. It's not like magic or anything - it's just determining the logical progression from one state to the other.

But life is not always about the logical, discrete and concrete ideas and concepts that seem so much easier to deal with, especially for an intellectual geek like myself. The human factor in all things is one big chaotic and constantly shifting variable that is hard to understand and even harder to control. And we can't even expect ourselves to control this - we just adapt to the situation as best as we can and find a way forward.

Keep moving forward - that's always been my goal.

But sometimes you just hit a brick wall and you wonder what comes next. You start to doubt a lot of the things that you thought were already certain and you question your actions at every turn. Then it doesn't seem quite as easy to put one foot in front of the other.

Maybe I'm just over thinking things again. Maybe I'm just being unintentionally dramatic somehow. Or maybe this is just me being extra careful with the truly important things in my life and not wanting to make a mistake. Even the most confident, self-assured people out there harbor doubts inside of them - why not me, right? And that's what that feels like - a moment of relative indecision as I continue to weigh all factors and determine if there is a path forward and where the heck it's supposed to go.

It's difficult to plot your way out of a maze when you can't see the pattern - or even realize that you're trapped in a labyrinth just yet. There's the rub.