01437: Single Douchebaggery

I'll be the first to admit that I tend to over think things. And this whole being single thing is certainly major food for thought, in a manner of speaking. You end up meeting all sorts as part of the queer single life - assuming you actually take that gamble of taking online or SMS conversations into the real world.

Now more than a few folks have commented that being single while still living with your ex is a naturally complicated situation. And I won't deny that - we have our reasons for the way things are now. It doesn't make things any easier and naturally a lot of the "single things" that we get into can lead to feelings of hurt, potential jealousy or whatever. As much as we say that these sorts of things shouldn't happen nor even come up, in reality they do and they always will.

Thus in my single explorations, I can't help but feeling like a major douche at times.  I won't deny that the desire to experience being single naturally has strong selfish tones naturally woven into things. And those feelings of guilt linger since you (that is me in this case) naturally still care for the other person. You can't just turn those feelings on and off.

I could make things a lot simpler, I know. A lot of friends have been trying to push me in one direction or another that seems to present less difficulty. However that's not quite what I'm looking for here. I want to be able to get into my next relationship with my whole heart. I want to cleanse myself of the doubts that linger in the further recesses of my mind. I want to be the best person that I can possible be for the next man to be a part of my life. And thus I continue on.

Ironically Tobie was gone for the weekend since he was with his family for a trip to Singapore. I say ironically since it's not exactly like I spent the weekend engaged in various forms of debauchery or something like that. I went to the book fair, I geeked out most of Saturday and spent Sunday with a friend. Good job Rocky.

As much as I'm single, I'm also still the same paranoid geek who is still pretty bad at social situations. I don't see myself truly capable of one night stands with total strangers in your classic "NSA" type of arrangement.

What excites me instead? Finding more geek friends. Experimenting with engaging total strangers solely in conversation. That sort of thing.

And the geeky stuff that Tobie brought home from Singapore:

Yes, that's the Doctor Who RPG kit. And that's a DVD of the same Kylie concert that came to Manila, but of course that's the better version held in London. And seaweed snack sheets!

Maybe I just need to get my priorities straight, huh?
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