0142A: On Over Thinking

There's a general consensus that "over thinking" is typically a bad thing. And I'll admit that I tend to agree with this general sentiment, but I think the tricky part is defining what exactly what we mean by "over thinking" to begin with.

Do we have a baseline measurement of sorts for what is "normal" thinking versus gong overboard? I'd assume that it's possible for these thinking levels to be relelative to the person in question based on a variety of factors such as IQ, mental acuity, general disposition and things of that nature.

Or the very fact that I'm discussing this at all is one of many possible indicators of over thinking.

Now right off the bat I'll concede that I'm highly prone to over thinking. My sister recently quipped that my head seems to be so full of words given all the stuff that I've been writing about in recent weeks. And words are but the echoes of all the thinking that goes on in my head - they are the end results and not the actual thoughts themselves.

This whole being single thing, at least in terms of the way that I'm handling things, has naturally led to a lot of instrospection, thinking and reflection. And that in itself is neither a good thing or a bad thing. It's just how I deal with things - and not just my relationship status. I've always sort of retreated into myself during times of difficulty in order to analyze things, figure things out and hopefully find a path forward.

I'm still second-guessing myself a lot. I still find myself wandering down weird thought corridors that I'd rather not venture to and yet my brain compells me to. And I'm venturing into some areas that I didn't think I would return to like gay social networking, at least via mobile applications.

My demeanor sort of comes into conflict with the very nature of these very casual, hook-up oriented platforms. There are guys who flatter me with interest despite my unique physical bearing and yet I get all turned off by how forward they are or how, well, single-minded they seem to be. I don't want to find a new relationship when I talk to these people. I do recognize that I enjoy the banter than comes with first meetings, the wordplay that comes with flirting online or over text. But I don't see these people becoming more than that. Well, most of the time.

Those that do have the complexity to go beyond this are the ones that I need to consider carefully. Do I want  to remain friends with them moving forward? Do I foresee myself introducing these guys to other friends or even family one day? And this is probably when self-doubt and a heck of a lot of over-thinking comes in. Or is this really over thinking? Maybe I get a hall pass since this is my typical degree of thinking which feels normal to me but may be excessive to someone else.

I've always been a very careful person. I like decisions that seem safe or almost certain as much as possible. And yet here I am in rather risky and uncertain territory, a place that runs counter to my default state of thinking. But I still think this is a good thing - it's the type of learning experience that requires a few broken eggs and skinned knees, if you catch my drift (as packaged in a horrible mixed metaphor).

Or maybe I'm just over thinking all this and I should just "go with the flow" or something.

*cue laughter*

Yeah right, Rocky. You could never just go with the flow.