01405: BED Musings

So I ended up at BED Malate last night, in what feels like AGES or something. It wasn't a totally negative experience, nor was it all that great either.

Throughout the course of the evening, I found myself repeatedly asking myself what the heck I was doing there or at least trying to determine if this was something that I wanted to do again. And sure, it was pretty fun to be back with the old crew, as it were. Friends are friends after all and there's no regretting good company. I guess it just felt somewhat weird to be back there.

The music was decent but not quite hitting the spot that DJ Zymon at O Bar Ortigas does. The drag queens were interesting but not as engaging as the O Divas. The bar certainly looked great given this was my first time there since their renovation a few years ago and all that jazz. But it wasn't quite "my" bar, or whatever you want to call it. It didn't feel quite like home.

And the Michael that I had nursed for most of the night was hardly satisfying. It was mostly fruit punch without a decent enough alcohol kick. What the heck happened to my former drink?

But what is "home" now? Technically the ASA Family has split up and we all have a lot of questions to answer for ourselves. I'm just beginning the process of finding those answers (and figuring out all the right questions for that matter). This has all become one big complicated mess indeed.

As much as I'm supposedly back in the "single" life, I still don't see myself prowling the smoke-filled mists of any bar whether O Bar or BED. I still don't see myself trying to strike up a conversation with a lotal stranger. I can't imagine myself trying to get someone to "go home" with me. You can either say that it's just too soon after the break-up or maybe I'm really not built for this sort of thing. Whatever.

Needless to say, this journey of sorts as a single man is definitely going to be a tricky one. I feel tthere's so much for me to learn about myself and how I want to handle the world and life moving forward, and yett I'm not quite sure how much learning (and thus how may mistakes) that will entail.