0137F: Have I Ever Really Been Single?

It's not "obvious" but I'm a bit of a loner by nature. In the previous incarnation of this blog I know that I blogged about my introverted nature and how difficult it is for me to actually make friends. So I guess this is sort of like me reiterating those details so that newer readers catch my drift.

It's neither a good nor a bad thing, I feel. It's just part of who I am and one should never really take that negatively - at least not as a gut reaction. But should I decide to change that, well, then it's a matter of taking the right steps.

This sort of became part of a tangent conversation over with my VCS buddies. Although, a LOT of our conversations seem tangential to one another since we keep going wherever our brains decide to take us. And that can mean some pretty weird places indeed. And even now I'm digressing - what more when there are four of us gathered in our little virtual coffee shop?

But the more pressing conclusion of sorts is the realization that I haven't really tried living a "single" life for long. Now don't panic! No one is breaking up with anyone or other similar nonsense. Allow me to explain the logic and potential action plans first.

Christmas 2003
You see, I got involved with someone pretty early - like 2nd year college early. And before that it's not like I was actively dating or anything like that. Heck, I think I was in that state before you figure out you're single since I was too busy finishing high school, getting my act together and playing lots and lots of video games. So I skipped the "single phase" and I didn't even go through your "traditional" queer experimentation and exploration phase of my youth. I became committed, eventually started working early and stuck with that relationship for close to 8 years. And as that one ended, I moved on to Tobie, so there wasn't much of a gap there either.

So here I am, practically 11 years of being, well, not single, and maybe there are some things I could (or even should) learn as I move through life. It sounds a bit weird, but at this point it's more of a theory that I want to test. But it doesn't mean that I want to date, sleep around or any of that crazy stuff. I know that I'm totally not built for that kind of a life.

There's a VCS member in this photo - SSSHHH!
What became the VCS consensus, as far as recommendations go, was the notion that I need to get out more. And it's not like I don't go out - Tobie, Prince and I do that all the time. But maybe there should be instances when I go out on my own with friends - or perhaps even completely alone. Now while I'm not exactly sociable, I do recognize I don't exactly like the whole going out alone bit (including recommendations that I try traveling out of town alone), but I think it couldn't hurt to be with friends more. And I suppose those friends will more than likely be the VCS folks.

I don't know what this will mean - our respective June dance cards are pretty busy with Pride and everything else. And with my family planning a Singpore trip this July (perhaps more on that in tomorrow's post), I think it'll be a while before we seriously look into a meet-up. And quite frankly, it's one of the reasons that VCS came to be - because we're all connected online regardless of our location. And so a large part of our cameraderie is this point is growing through online channels (although we do know one or more of the others in real life, relatively speaking).

So when will the first "official" VCS meet-up be? Will I actually try exploring the possibility of growing real life friendships away from the digital world? Good questions, but no answers just yet.

What do you think? Are there critical things that you learn as single individuals? Am I just being weird by evening thinking about stuff along these lines? Do I sound crazy to you?

Comment away. Seriously.


  1. I'm happy to see you're reconnecting with people. VCS has been a healthy outlet for you, one which I haven't been able to accomplish in a while given time, responsibilities and the like.

    While I don't see the need to be single again, I do agree you shouldn't feel like you aren't able to go out on your own and meet up with friends.

    Just avoid those who use you like a punching bag. Or abuse you for years. Those are worth never seeing again.


    1. Message received, love. =P

      But thanks for the support, as always.


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