0134C: Knowing the Face in the Mirror

Being the semi-intellectual geek that I am, I'd like to think that I maintain a healthy perspective of reality. What I mean but this is that I keep a clear understanding and respect for my limitations in terms of what I can and cannot do.

One of the easiest things to poke at is my weight - it doesn't take a genius to figure out that I'm more than just overweight. At least I'm no where near becoming the next Baron Harokonnen or something like that - something that will be even more difficult given the lack of suspensor technology. Thus I've never invested too much of my self-esteem and sense of worth in terms of my physical appearance, and to some extent the physical appearance of others. Thus I never expect people to hit on me at bars and in that regard I'm not disappointed. But since my value as a person is not based there, I don't leave feeling disappointed.

I'm not the kind of guy who gets into one night stands both because I'm not into that and because I know the chances of me picking up a guy are slim to none. I don't pick up guys - I date them rather seriously (in theory since I've hardly dated outside of the context of a relationship). I've always thought of myself as "relationship material" instead of "date material" - it's one of those self-deceptions that helps you through some of your insecurities.

I'm know that by most standards I have an above average level of intelligence. But with that intelligence comes a tendency to be arrogant, to sound like a know-it-all and sound like I'm somehow better than others. And this probably manifests worst when I actually am right and I end up being smug about it. I do my best to keep myself in check, but I know that often times I end up just blurting out what I think to be right and forget about the potential consequences. I was raised to be honest, but I know I tend to go beyond common decency and tact when I'm not at all careful enough.

This sort of connects to the kind of friend I am. Beyond being generally a bad one (har har again), people tend to come to me for advice when they want to hear the brutal, honest truth. I don't hold back whether it's a close friend or a chance acquaintance. It's actually easier to do this with friends versus those you consider your loved ones. I guess it's always hard to shake off the fear that you'll offend the ones closest to you. All other people just don't quite as matter as much.,

I have more than my fair share of insecurities, as does any man. I fear disappointment by others and so I keep friends at a distance and make them work to earn my trust. I distrust people outside my immediate family as a matter of practice. I question almost any authority in my head before fully committed to obey said law, principle or teaching. I believe in divinity but I distrust organized religion. And so on and so on and so on.

There are many things we are not necessarily proud of - the things we sometimes consider to be "weaknesses" even. But there's no sense in hiding them, or worse hiding from them. Instead we should own them and make them known to the world. In truth, they are not your only weaknesses - there are always those that you are unaware of. Better to have the ones that you know and understand out in the open as distractions for everyone else to focus on so they can't hurt you where it matters most.


  1. Napukaw ang aking atensyon ng picture ng Cybetron habang kinakain (from the Transformers The Movie) hehehe. Nice article BTW. Same goes with me. I date the guys I like :)


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