0131A: Advancing Relationship Theory

As I begin typing this entry, Prince is on his way to his apartment in Makati after work and Tobie is somewhere between Hong Kong and Manila on flight PR 307. Oh, and Poy-Poy is just resting here at my feet as he attacks his teething bone.

I knew that getting into our current relationship arrangement wouldn't be easy. But I also knew it would be exciting and above all fulfilling in ways I couldn't even begin to predict. And it's been all that and more - a healthy mix of the good and the stressful, the rewarding and the challenging. But at the end of the day, I'm terribly happy and I feel like we've really started something important, wonderful and magical here.

And in the course of this relationship's growth, I've come to a few quirky and admittedly geeky realizations about relationships, at least based on my experience. And I thought it might be interesting to jot them down.

*WARNING* I like Math.

First, Love is both a constant and a variable. It's definitely the kind of emotional link between people that once established can last forever. And yet the intensity of the love or even the perceived "quantity" of that love is not something that one can easily pin down and identity clearly. And thus the mutable nature of love is something that becomes a typical cause for confusion and concern, depending on the circumstances. At the same time, I feel that it's hard to absolutely end or "fall out of" love for a person. Once you love someone, you always will. It's just a question of how much.

Second, Love is  undefinable or alternately Love simply is. Similar to how asymptotes represent instances when one can become infinitely close to something without ever reaching it, love in itself is hard to define for certain. One cannot measure it accurately and one cannot firmly claim that one love is greater than another. To be clear, there are definitely different kinds of love such as those between friends, between a parent and child, and of course between lovers. But to claim to intuitively know for certain the degrees of love you have is rather far-fetched in my book.

Third, Love is honest. You can't muck around pretend to love someone nor can you force yourself to love someone. Like most other emotional responses, they speak directly from our hearts and thus remain honest and true to those core feelings. Some people claim to be able to pretend to put on the trappings or appearances of love for whatever purposes they have. But like all lies, the truth eventually wins out. The only person you really screw up is yourself after all.

Fourth, Love means both risk and reward. Too many people only focus on the popular, more enjoyable aspects of being in love - the fun trips, the surprise gifts, and all those other little things. But because of the intimacy and the need to open up, Love naturally leads to a lot of hurt and pain. We expose ourselves since we should be loved for who we are - both good and bad. And to quit love because of a little pain means you're not taking things seriously enough. No one gets a free ride after all. The best things in life require hard work and sacrifice.

Lastly, Love comes to those who are ready for it. And by the same virtue, Love doesn't necessarily come for those who want it without realizing what love really means, the responsibilities it entails and the need to put someone else first. So many people run to the internet in search of love and complain about how they never get lucky when it comes to love. Yet these are the same people who continue to flirt around while in a relationship, who use shirtless profile photos on social media networks while claiming to look for serious relationships, and all those other little things. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

These "learnings" of sorts do not apply solely to the unique relationship that Tobie, Prince and I share (with Poy-Poy, too!) They're pretty universal for the most part, when you really get down to it. And I don't claim to be an expert on anything just yet - this list is a work-in-progress and I'm sure I'll come up with more stuff in the future. After all, every single day is a new opportunity to learn, to experience, and to find reason to celebrate love and life even more.

And with that, I need to make sure the Sietch is ready for my babies to arrive home. Tobie's flight has already arrived safely and Prince is already on his way over with dinner. Yay!
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