01315: Feeling (Extremely) Stupid

You know those kinds of days when you seem to unable to do almost anything right? Those times when you manage to figure out the absolutely worst things to say to kill a happy mood or perhaps you learn that you've been an idiot for some time now, mainly at the expense of others. Especially loved ones. And it has to happen at the precise moment when you think things are going well and you become even more optimistic compared to before and then BAM, your stupid gene kicks in.

Today is one of those days, more or less. I can't necessarily call this a bad day - it's not like I've made a total wreck of my life or anything extreme like that. But I have flubbed quite a few things on the domestic front and now I'm trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces and more importantly ensure that I don't repeat the same mistakes again.

In the meantime, I'll do what any other perfectionist introvert would do given my situation - I'll over-analyze the situation, berate myself for making mistakes that seem so obvious now and figure out how to make amends to those I've wronged. Because I know I'm in the wrong and that leaves me to fix things. It's as simple as that, right?

Of course figuring out how to right things is the trickier part, especially on a day like this when everything you touch seems to turn to dog doo-doo. Should you try to fix things right away, like striking the iron while it's still hot and stuff? Or should you things out a bit when cooler heads have a better chance of prevailing, especially your own fat head.

I hate this. I hate making mistakes at the cost of my loved ones, especially the seemingly small ones. I have a history of letting my mouth get away with me and I do have occasional impulsive tendencies that can send me down the wrong path. So maybe this is not the best time to figure out an action plan or some what to correct the mistakes I've grievously made. Maybe I should wait for things to somehow settle down for now and then make another attempt of things later on. The classic value of knowing when to walk away instead of running charging in.

I think I'm going to crawl into a hole for now and just wait for my thoughts (and admittedly my emotions) to settle down. It's not quite running away mind you - the cacophony of voices in my head are company enough, at this point. Do not pass GO, do not collet $200.

At least work wasn't bad at all. It seems my ability to ruin things has been limited to my home life, which of course is where it matters most. How perfect.


  1. We all have such moments love. And it is a display of your integrity and character that you choose to acknowledge such moments and work on resolving such issues, rather than simply point blame and try to play victim.

    Our relationship has its growing pains to go through, and we all have our turn in taking the scars. Let us just find strength and perseverance in knowing we have each other to rely on. You, me and Prince have the perfect combination to make things work no matter what. We just have to learn to trust in that, and to remember how stronger we are together than facing things apart.

    I love you.


Post a Comment