01294: Your Heart Is Your Compass

"A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct. This every Bene Gesserit Sister knows"
- from Manual of Muad'dib by the Princes Irulan (Dune by Frank Herbert)

The start of any relationship, may it just be a schoolyard friendship or a lifelong commitment, is always a tricky period. On the one hand, there's no questioning the emotions we feel for one another - those always ring true and clear. Our hearts, in this regard, are probably some of our most honest aspects of ourselves. But love on its own is never enough to make things work out completely well. There's still a lot of hard work that needs to come into play in order to make relationships really work. It's hard enough to manage this between two people. It's a wee bit trickier (to say the least) when you're talking about three individuals.

Not that I'm saying that Tobie, Prince and I aren't ready for that sort of thing. These are just natural challenges that anyone in a new relationship must face after all. Human beings are such complex creatures with so many factors that come into play with every interaction. And thus the potential for complications, misunderstands and other little mistakes increases tenfold with every new person that we encounter, even just as passing acquaintances.

The other consideration in our case is the fact that Tobie and I have been in a committed relationship first before introducing Prince into the picture. I say this in contrast to all three of us somehow falling in love with one another at the same time in a spontaneous manner, if that could be possible. Thus you get the usual detractors who question our involving Prince in our lives or the reverse that of Prince getting involved with an existing couple. And you get the other nuances like what happens to old anniversaries and other celebrations in light of the new relationship

Thus starting on this new path potentially has the pains of both a new relationship and a break-up. There will inevitably be that sense of needing to move on or give up certain things in favor of the new beginning. While I don't think this is true about everything in terms of me and Tobie before Prince, I can see the potential logic.

However I'm not one for totally destroying the old in favor of the new. I feel there's an opportunity for greater unification - somehow incorporating older traditions and making them part of our new, joined life together. One good example is how our "new" anniversary date of January 23 somewhat echoes our old one of April 23. It's just like we moved the celebration a few months earlier. It's just a matter of discussing what compromises can be made, how dates remain special and how we continue on from here.

Because with any relationship, the key is to keep the channels of communication open. In any relationship, as long as you keep talking, then things will stand a better chance of working out in the end. Of course it also helps if you remain rational throughout the proceedings, but that's another matter entirely.

The little hiccups, disagreements and misunderstandings that we experience in the beginning of any new relationship, complicated or otherwise, are a normal part of things - growing pains, if you will. And as long as you keep talking, work things out and focus on the greater tomorrow, then I remain confident that things will be successful in the long run. It really boils down to the sincerity of your feelings and the strength of your commitment to one another.

I love both Tobie and Prince fiercely - a fact that still catches me by surprise given how conventional wisdom tells us this shouldn't be the case. But when your love feels this strong and this true, who are we to question things, right? This all has to work out, otherwise these feelings would not make sense nor all the little nuances of circumstance that led to our coming together. And it's along those lines that I find my own strength of resolve to see this through. Love, after all, is always worth the work, the effort and even the readiness to challenge the odds, whatever the case may be.

And I suppose I'm blogging about all this as a reminder to myself and to some extent to Tobie and Prince. We still have our fair share of bumps in this road we're taking, but so far we've remained strong and found our way back to the path forward. And that merits acknowledgement and praise, for what it's worth. And I know we'll keep on pushing forward, stay true to one another and let our hearts guide us forward. That's just how love works.
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